Saturday, 9 May 2015

A melancholy night

I've just arrived home this afternoon from a relaxing trip to Melaka with my friends from Melbourne. The cozy atmosphere of Majestic Melaka, the delicious cuisine, the pleasant drive and all the the laughter and jokes added more fun to this trip. In the evening, mom arrived in Kuala Lumpur to celebrate Mother’s Day with Yann, Yong and myself, and we’d started the first round of our many meals to celebrate this special day with steamboat dinner, to be followed with fine dining tomorrow night and Sunday’s brunch.

Everything seems to be blissful but I had a hard time falling asleep and I know I’m in a melancholy mood because this is the first year that we are celebrating it without daddy dearest. Next month, we will mark a year since daddy’s sudden departure.

Nevertheless, there are still many questions of “what if” that is lingering in my mind and to borrow a line from Rudyard Kipling’s poem “If” – if I can fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run……….

With deep regret, I am still searching for the minute.I’m not inflicting miserable time for myself. I thought I've moved on but sometimes, I just can’t lie to myself that I've recovered from the sudden loss and to sweep my melancholy moments under the many thick silky Turkish carpets at home. 

Since small, I never regard forgiveness is a reasonable act but an act that need deep convictions, courage and perhaps, mystical. It is easy to utter let bygones be bygones but when the images of the people that you know played a role in the many decisions before D-Day kept appearing, only God know why forgiving is mystical. 

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